Tuesday, October 6, 2015

READ THIS FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE! A Book Review

Did I get your attention??

At a women's conference a few years ago, I went to a "Communicating in Marriage" class.  It was awesome!  I learned a ton from it.  The speakers referenced a couple different books.  One was "The 5 Love Languages".  I have heard of it, but have never read it.  So, I made a trip to the library.  Wouldn't you know, my little library had it!  It was even the 2010 edition! 

This is such a great book.  In my opinion, when you get your marriage license, they ought to give you this with it!!  So much heartache would be spared if we only started out our marriage knowing how our spouse needs to be loved!  I have to admit, Chris and I really haven't had many troubles as a couple.  We are both very open and blunt about what we need.  Chris is actually more than me, weird, I know.  But he is so good at telling me when he needs something different from me.  I have learned to be more like that from him!  So, I wasn't desperately searching for some answers.  But, I love delving into the human psyche.  I like to see how we work, why we do certain things. 

ANYWAY.  I had pretty much figured out what I was, and thought I knew what he was.  We took the tests in the back.  I am 'quality time'.  I scored a 10 in that.  But, I had 'acts of service' and 'touch' tied at 8!  So, I guess that makes me easy to show love to.  Chris was also 'quality time' 10, but he was 'touch' 9 and 'acts of service' 8!  Isn't that amazing that we are the same??!! That isn't very common according to the book.  It talked about the "in love phenomenon".  That is when we first fall in love.  They can do no wrong, they don't have a fault in the world.  We know we will never fight like other couples do!  Then slowly, we come back to reality.  We realize they aren't perfect and have to figure out how to love them for real and for the rest of our life.  As I read this part, I thought, I can't remember this change.  I don't think I have loved him any differently than when we first met.  (I don't remember coming down off the high) I am sure there are people who can point out when it happened for them.  They say this 'in love state' only lasts 2 years max.  I was confused.  As I read on, I found the answer. They say you usually show your love to your spouse in your language instinctively.  So, since we have the same love language, it was easy! This isn't to say we haven't had any troubles, but in general, I have always known that he loved me.  That he loved me best and first of all.  I have commented before that I know he'll drop everything and pick me. 

I loved the thought that each day we have a choice to love or not to love our spouse in their love language.  When we do, their 'love tank' will be filled.  They will be secure in our love.  Things will go more smoothly between us.  It also said "I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday".  Love it!  I tell my kids this routinely.  Tomorrow is a new day.  It doesn't matter what happened yesterday, today we get to start over and try again.  I'm sure they are tired of hearing it, but I wish I had heard that all the time as a kid.  So, I say it over and over again. 

I really loved all the stories in this book.  Most of the couples were on the brink of disaster, and because they started filling each others love tanks, because they CHOSE to love each other the way the other could understand, things got worked out over time.  How awesome is that!!??

So, if you and your spouse have some issues, read this book! It could help! And if you think you're happy enough, read this book! It can't help but make things even better.  I learned a few things about myself and things about Chris from this book. I am excited to practice. 

You can find "The 5 Love Languages" at the library, a thrift store, or Amazon!  It's a must read.  If you have read it, read it again.  It doesn't hurt to be reminded.  You can take the quiz online here.  Go to 'assessments'.  There are quizzes for spouses, you can email your teen to invite them to take it, and there is a 'mystery' for younger children to solve in order to find their love language!  I will have my big boys take it, but I think I have them figured out!  And I can't wait to get my hands on "The five love languages of children", too!

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